Minutes of the United Nations Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space

The chairman called to order the fifty first meeting of COPUOS (the Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space) by pounding his right fist against the Star Trek Fleet Admiral medal on his left shoulder. Members present, Algeria, Austria, Benin, Bolivia, Brazil, Cameroon, Canada, Chad, China, Colombia, Ecuador, France, Greece, Indonesia, Italy, Japan, Kazakhstan, Lebanon, Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, Mexico, Mongolia, Morocco, Netherlands, Niger, Nigeria, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Republic of Korea, the Russian Federation, Senegal, Sierra Leone, Slovakia, South Africa, Sweden, Switzerland, Syrian Arab Republic, Turkey, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, the United States of America, and Uruguay, responded by pounding their medals, reflecting their respective committee rankings. Members attending by instant messenger, Australia, Burkina Faso, Czech Republic, Hungary, Iraq, Pakistan, Romania, Sudan, Thailand, and Venezuela, responded by rapidly typing the United Nations Approved “Winky Face” emoticon: “;)”. The delegates from Albania, Argentina, Belgium, Bulgaria, Egypt, Germany, India, Iran, Kenya, Malaysia, Nicaragua, Portugal, Spain, Ukraine, and Viet Nam were not in attendance. They will review these minutes when the 2008 Comic Book Convention, held in Indianapolis, Indiana, adjourns next Wednesday.

1. The Committee discussed the election of New Officers and the Conference of Honorary Titles. The delegate from Burkina Faso nominated for Chairman the delegate from Morocco via instant message, the nomination was seconded by the delegate from Sierra Leone and approved on the condition that NASA maintain its shuttle launch pad in Morocco. The Committee unanimously approved a renewal of the three year term of the Vice Committee Chairman from Japan. Honorary Titles were conferred on several members of the Committee:
a. The Delegate from Canada was named Petty Officer on Deck for his resourceful performance in last weeks Dungeons and Dragons Sub-Committee Meeting and Tournament
b. The Delegate from Romania was named E.T. for her prompt and reliable communication between her National Office and United Nations Headquarters. Also, she usually gets homesick by the end of the annual committee meeting.
c. The Delegate from Turkey was named Mr. Freeze for her insistence on air-conditioning at all committee and sub-committee meetings, her preference for frozen margaritas and daiquiris, and her blue-ish toenail polish.
d. The Delegate from Malaysia was named SpaceGodzilla because everyone present agreed that would be pretty sweet.
New Officers and Honorary Title Holders agreed to reconvene in six months to prepare for the 2009 annual meeting.

2. Mr. Milad Atieh interrupted the meeting and caused mild confusion when he asked for directions to the Conference on the Global Subjugation of Women. The Delegate from China directed Mr. Atieh to the meeting of the United Nations Committee on Human Rights. The delegate from Romania speculated that Mr. Atieh would be disappointed if he discovered that the meeting was meant to discourage the subjugation of women. Delegates from Australia and the Czech Republic responded by the Official United Nations sanctioned Instant Message code—“*giggle snort*.” The Delegates from the United States, Austria and Canada responded by actually giggling and snorting. The Delegate from China suggested that China’s Delegate to the United Nations Human Rights Commission was enthusiastic about the meeting and that his enthusiasm did not bode well for women who wished to avoid subjugation.

3. The Finance Committee, chaired by the Delegate from the United States, offered a special presentation entitled “NASA Wheedles Bazillions of Dollars from Congress and You Can Too!” which focused on the difficulties of acquiring exorbitant sums of money from legislative bodies. Preferred methods included hiring master criminals to hold the entire universe hostage by threatening nuclear attack. Delegates from countries governed by dictators, military juntas, and totalitarian regimes were excused from the sub-committee meeting.

4. The meeting adjourned after a recap of The Annual Picnic and Outdoor Star Wars Movie Marathon, held on May 14, 2008. The Delegate from Iraq seemed piqued by the festivities when he typed, “DIE EVIL SCUMMMMMM!!!!” into the committee chat room window. He later clarified his remarks by apologizing for entering text in the wrong window—he’d meant to type into his First Person Shooter video game on the other screen. After this brief digression, the event was unanimously praised as an appropriate commemoration of George Lucas’ Birthday.

The meeting was adjourned and members filed out in eager anticipation of next year’s meeting and next Wednesday’s Magic Trading Card Swap.