Life is Hard for Hillary Clinton

William Jefferson Clinton spoke yesterday in support of his wife by calling Barack Obama’s message of “hope and change” a “fairytale.” He might as well have said, “If you favor ‘hope’ and ‘change,’ go ahead and live in your dream land. But if you oppose these foofy ideals, join those of us with our noses firmly planted on the grindstone, trudging along through this mucky New Hampshire snow on our way to what we hope will be the White House, even though it might be more of a light gray because of all that pollution around the DC Metro Area.”

Well, that’s a pretty hard choice to make, Mr. Clinton. Thank you for putting it so clearly. Really. I’m grateful for it. I couldn’t tell the difference between the Dems, except that John Edwards couldn’t possibly be serious about running again, I mean he already lost to John Kerry. You’d think one embarrassing defeat would be enough for a lifetime. Then there’s Kucinich who’s never going to win because most Americans, even the ones who’ve graduated from high school can’t spell his name. (I don’t mean to insult Mr. Kucinich and his family, I am pretty disappointed in the spelling skills of Americans with high school diplomas.) Oh, and then there’s Mike Gravel, but he’s from Alaska, so we can safely ignore. Say what you will about American’s readiness for a female or African American president, we really aren’t prepared for a President who’s from somewhere other than the contiguous forty eight.

But Barack and Hillary had me confused. They cosponsored protectionist legislation limiting trade from China, they are relatively inexperienced Senators, and they both represent “firsts” for minority communities. Oh, wait—women constitute fifty one percent of Americans, so I guess in addition to Ms. Clinton opposing “hope” and “change,” she has the same set of chromosomes as the majority of Americans. We’re running into all kinds of differences.

Another thing Mr. Obama and Ms. Clinton have in common is that neither one gets my vote. I mean it’s irrelevant to them for a number of reasons. First, Indiana doesn’t have a primary until March and the nomination will be sewn up by then. Second, I’m a registered Republican, so I can’t vote in the Democratic Primary.

However, if Hillary wants the nomination to be sewn up with her name on it, she should be worried about Billy’s endorsement. A few days before Iowa, her mom and daughter came out to support her. Then, in New Hampshire, she locked up her husband’s vote. She’s been campaigning for months and she’s just now recorded the endorsements of her immediate family. That seems to be a clear sign that she’s in for an uphill battle. By this time, I bet most candidates are seeking votes from people who didn’t A) give birth to them, B) spring from their wombs, or C) share a bed with them at any time in their life. Those people are the kinds I’d want to have before I announced my candidacy. I certainly wouldn’t want them on the fence during primary season.