Back Home Again...

I thought the Civil War was over. Seems I was wrong. Moving back to Indiana has taught me that there are a few wayward souls who are not quite ready to move on from a defeat they suffered… 142 years ago.

I have lost count of the number of confederate flags I’ve seen as I drive around Indianapolis. They’re on bumper stickers, they’re on the windows of apartments, they’re tattooed on arms, and they’re screen-printed on t-shirts. My first impulse is to punch the offender in the face. My second is to make the wearer aware of the bigotry of his beliefs. But lately I’ve started to reflect on the deeper causes of this affinity for the Confederacy. A professor told me the root of the longing for the land of inequality and lack of opportunity lies in the lack of agency would-be-Confederates when they peruse the changing world around them. He may be right. But every time I see one of these reminders of the *ahem* War for Southern Independence, I’m reminded of two things: history, and the fact that Indiana loses at everything.

Let’s start with Indiana’s impressive list of records:
1. We are the fattest state in the Union. As the U.S. must also be the fattest nation, that prize was hard-fought and is, I’m sure, well-deserved.
2. In 2005, Indiana had the highest foreclosure rate in the country. This year, we’ve dropped to fourth in the nation, behind Louisiana, Georgia and Michigan. Anytime you are competing for a prize like “highest foreclosure rate” with states who have suffered one of the worst natural disasters in history, the decline of the automotive industry, and being…well…Georgia, you know it is bad news bears.
3. Indiana used to be home to one of the winningest coaches in college basketball history. We sent him down to Texas after he…wait for it… physically and emotionally abused his players, assaulted students, and (I think worst of all) started losing.

Which brings us to history. We won the Civil War. Indiana was on the side of the good guys. The guys who didn’t say, “Mr. Lincoln, I reject the Constitution, and now I will declare war on the Union. Having carefully examined the principles of the American Founding, I can tell you I’d rather not live in a nation where all men are created equal. I’m pretty sure God made some people unequal and I’d like to found a nation on that principle, if you don’t mind.” All told, Indiana lost 26,672 men during the war, to combat and disease. But we lost most of them fighting for the Union.

Indiana is not a plantation state. We weren’t growing cotton before the war, and we haven’t started since. Hoosiers were small farmers. They didn’t have anything in common with the brains, society, or economy behind Succession.

Once I get down from this high horse, I’ll get to the point. Of all the things we Hoosiers do wrong—overeat, borrow more than we could ever pay, keep deluded and egotistical basketball coaches on the payroll until they’ve really passed their prime—we did the Civil War right. And we should celebrate it. Until we do, Indiana will always be known as the place where the morbidly obese lose their homes in short sales while they stand barefoot in a corn field wishing they’d been on the losing side of one of the bloodiest wars in American History.