Dammit Feminists, You've Taken My Princesses

Someone should call Child Protection Services. Our nation’s children are being deprived of an important aspect of youth. The new Disney movies are alarmingly devoid of Princesses. In fact, new movies in general are alarmingly devoid of princesses.

Undeniably, Disney has suffered a decline of late. Gone are the days of Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and, my personal favorite, the Little Mermaid. And they’ve been replaced by…by what? By Herbie: Fully Loaded, Hunchback of Notre Dame and Lion King 1.5. The re-release of the Little Mermaid has only emphasized the gaping disparity in Disney quality.

But what is the cause of these quality control issues? I think we can credit it to the feminist movement.[1] Actually, I think we can credit most problems of the 21^stCentury to the feminists. But the end of the Disney Princess Dynasty is especially tragic.

At first blush, Disney Princesses are not out of line with the larger feminist movement. They are strong independent women who come of age under trying circumstances and become better people in the process. Cinderella overcomes a wily step-mother and conniving, ugly sisters. Snow White endures exile and numerous attempts on her life made by her jealous step-mother. Sleeping Beauty is also exiled and attacked by a jealous old hag. And then there’s the Ariel. She goes behind her father’s back to become human and realize her dream of being “part of [our] world.”

So what’s the deal? I believe the feminists have three serious problems with the Disney Princess.

1. Disney Princesses find themselves, true. But they find themselves in the arms of a man. A feminist doesn’t need a man in her life to achieve self-actualization. She only needs herself and Simone de Beauvoir.
2. Disney Princesses come from broken homes. Usually, their mother is inexplicably gone or dead. The step-mother is almost always a witch. Homes reconstructed in this manner have created an entire generation of lost Royal Disney Daughters. These movies undermine the feminist notion that broken homes produce well adjusted children with the same frequency as unbroken homes.
3. Disney Princesses promote the idea that good people are beautiful and bad people are ugly. This promotes the ideal that women with “unconventional” body types are, necessarily bad.[2] But on the other hand, it promotes the idea that women can be smart and beautiful.

The real problem with the feminist critique of Disney Princesses is this: A feminist protagonist makes a bad movie. I don’t care to watch movies where ugly girls find mediocre young men. I can find that in my real life.

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[1] Thank you Stephanie Claire Melkonian.
[2] Where would I be without Emily Kathryn Bell?